alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
