so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
