dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
