just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
