Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
