giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pants are for mortals
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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