'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
