you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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