Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
