I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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