brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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