I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize