Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
