Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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