i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
