when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize