his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
