He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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