I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
