Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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