____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
