bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
