I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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