Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
