what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
