Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
