the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
