me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
