Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
