Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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