How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
