Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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