Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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