I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
