Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
