If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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