Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
