I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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