is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
