he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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