Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
