i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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