I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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