1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
