he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
BRING THE BAGELS
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
