Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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