He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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