Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize