were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
