WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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