Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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