the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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