Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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