Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize