my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
