What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
