I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize