I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
