I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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