i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
