I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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