So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
