porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Still dying that you shit outside
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
