I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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