Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
